


Universal Soldier

by ghostofshe



Series: Fire & Water [2]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Angst, Canadian Sole Survivor, Character Study, Choking, Freeform, M/M, Military Backstory, One Shot, Pre-War, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-08 17:34:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11651406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostofshe/pseuds/ghostofshe
Summary: In the midst of war, it's better not to question these rare moments of peace. Wherever they happen to be found.





	Universal Soldier

_What is this? What are we doing?_

In the dead of cold summer mornings, the question always finds its way to Xavier. As he and Whitney race to reach their peaks before the sun can catch the horizon, a different kind of need prods at him, sinks its teeth into his neck. He wants to know. Wants to ask.

But he never does.

Part of him, the dark, clear-minded part that guides his intuition during his better moments, knows it’s because asking would ruin it. To say it out loud, to put a name to what they have, would erase whatever it was they sought to describe. The answer is a knife, always held at the back, ready to sever the connection when needed. One word to chase away an unspoken bond.

When he buries his face against the back of Whitney’s neck and bends him over a stack of supply crates, he can forget about it. Can pretend like this is whatever he wants it to be.

And when Whitney bites at his lip or closes his hand around Xavier’s throat, squeezing until he comes even as he loses consciousness, the question seems less important. He can cut himself off from caring about what he wants. Can free himself from always having to wonder, to choose wrong. Just fall into the emptiness without regard for resurfacing.

Although, he always does resurface. Often with Whit's calloused hands soothing and agitating the marks they left behind. Whispering some concern, or some sweet lie, against his jaw as Xavier turns away. Hiding tears brought by the return of the question and the loss of his peace.

In the dead heat of springtime afternoons, he tries to hear those whispers over the sound of his rifle. Tries to hold them close and listen. But his ears are filled with nothing but ringing, and that same silent query. Different place, different subject. Same words carrying over.

Even when he is made of nothing but stone and kevlar and pinpricks, the need digs beneath his skin. Eats away at his bones. The answer is a bullet, chambered and ready to send him on his way.

 _What is this?_ A gaze shared as they both remove their helmets, the sunset shroud allowing them the grace to look at one another. At themselves. Shadowed eyes and bright glass twinkling in crimson light. _What are we doing?  
_

**Author's Note:**

> The title for this fic is from the song "Universal Soldier", by Buffy Sainte Marie.


End file.
